Orgasm is often treated as something our bodies should automatically know how to do. In reality, it’s rarely that straightforward, especially for people with vulvas. It’s not as simple as adding stimulation and waiting for that grand finale to arrive. In fact, many women have never experienced an orgasm. Others can climax alone but not with a partner, or find that their orgasms have become delayed or more elusive over time, whether due to stress, shifting hormones, or a myriad of other potential reasons. This is sometimes described as anorgasmia or female orgasmic disorder.
There’s no single masturbation technique that’s guaranteed to achieve orgasm; the human nervous system is much more complicated than that, and what works for one person may not work for another. Guided masturbation, however, when combined with sex toys, can help create a better framework for learning what your body is responding to. By combining mindful tactics with sexual relaxation techniques and slow, patient exploration, it’s possible to alleviate the pressure that’s getting in the way of your pleasure.
What is guided masturbation?
Guided masturbation is a solo pleasure practice led by spoken audio prompts. While guided masturbation apps are gaining more traction in recent years, this can also come from a written script, an erotic meditation, a partner’s voice, or your own recording. In short, it combines the stress-relieving properties of meditation with sexual pleasure.
Unlike conventional audio erotica, which uses storylines to arouse users, guided masturbation is designed to bring attention back to your own body. A guide might invite you to notice your breathing, explore different erogenous zones or areas on your body, vary the pressure you’re using to touch yourself, or pause before you change sensations.
Some sessions might be more explicitly erotic, while others can feel closer to meditation, with pleasure approached through body awareness and breath. The focus is intended to remain on curiosity rather than fantasy, though your mind may wander there.
No one approach is better than another; the goal is to remain connected to sensation and stay in the present, so if hearing a partner’s voice or your own is more helpful than hearing a stranger’s, you may want to record a voice memo and play it back. Other times, it may be helpful to listen to exercises on a non-erotic meditation or breathwork app. Remember that control is still in your hands – when listening, you can always choose to ignore or change an instruction or stop completely.
What is anorgasmia?
Anorgasmia (we prefer that to the term female orgasmic disorder or orgasmic dysfunction, which can make people feel like something is wrong with their bodies) refers to orgasms that are absent, delayed, or reduced in intensity, even when you’re sexually aroused and stimulated.
This can be a lifelong experience where you’ve never experienced orgasm (primary anorgasmia), or it could be an acquired experience if you’ve once been able to orgasm but now find them difficult or impossible (secondary anorgasmia) It may also be situational, meaning you can only orgasm under certain circumstances, like during masturbation but not during partnered sex.
It doesn’t mean you have a disorder if you don’t orgasm every time. Orgasm frequency can naturally change over time, and possible causes can be anxiety, stress, relationship dynamics, health conditions, medications, and hormonal changes. Often, these factors overlap. Guided masturbation isn’t a cure for every cause of anorgasmia, but it can invite a low-pressure space that helps you discover what stimulation you enjoy, encourages body awareness, and helps you build sexual confidence.
The potential benefits of guided masturbation
Guided masturbation, also known as directed masturbation, has long existed in sex therapy as an approach and recognized in studies. It may involve learning about the anatomy, looking at or touching the body, and exploring different types of non-genital and genital stimulation. It may also involve introducing fantasy or erotica and experimenting with different forms of stimulation.
It stops spectatoring
Spectatoring is when you mentally step outside your body to assess your performance, how you look, or why you haven’t orgasmed yet. The more closely you obsess over orgasming, the less likely it is to happen.
It helps you focus on sensation (and adding in sex toys can, too)
Mindful masturbation practices like guided masturbation can help redirect the attention to sensation, asking yourself questions like: where does touch feel good or unpleasant? Does your body prefer changing rhythms or steady contact? Do you want broad pressure or more precise stimulation? Are you holding your breath or breathing deeply?
Bringing in a toy like MYLO Spirit can help you better understand what sensations your body enjoys – while the large head of our multifunctional wand is perfect for broad stimulation, if you prefer something more targeted, you can use the Sensory Tendril attachment instead.
It helps those with responsive desire
Not everyone feels spontaneous desire out of nowhere. For many people, interest emerges only after the nervous system relaxes, or after an emotional connection has begun. You don’t need to feel aroused before a mindful practice like guided masturbation. You may start with simple curiosity, letting it soothe your nervous system so that pleasure feels safer and more accessible.
This is where somatic sex practices like guided masturbation can be useful. “Somatic” means body-based, and involves drawing attention to your breath, temperature, movement, and physical or emotional state of being.
How to use MYLO Spirit with guided masturbation
Whether you are experiencing anorgasmia or not, MYLO Spirit can help. It has three independently controlled motors and seven vibration modes that let you explore different combinations without treating maximum intensity as the goal. Always have a water-based lube on hand to reduce friction and increase comfort.
Use the large head for broad stimulation
Start with the broad wand head over clothes, massaging non-genital body parts. Then, move to the external erogenous zones of your choice on the lowest setting.
Use the Sensory Tendril for targeted stimulation
If you want a less diffused sensation, use the smaller Tendril attachment for more targeted contact.
Experiment with the sculpted curve for internal stimulation
Many people with vulvas need direct or indirect clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but if you want to explore penetration with this attachment, use plenty of water-based lube.
A 15-minute guided masturbation practice, no app required
While a guided masturbation app may be helpful, you don’t need a subscription to try it. You can play a deep breathing or meditation track without sexual content – ideally one with spacious pauses so you don’t feel rushed.
MYLO Spirit’s waterproof design can also support guided experiences in the bath or shower for a truly spa-like experience.
Prepare the space
Give yourself privacy and time. Put your phone on ‘do not disturb’ and set the ambiance with temperature, dim lighting, and music if desired. If using a sex toy like MYLO Spirit, we suggest bringing a water-based lubricant along. Choose a relaxed position you can sustain without straining yourself.
Arrive through breath
Place one hand somewhere grounding, like your chest or abdomen. Breathe in gently through the nose and exhale more slowly than you inhaled. Repeat this five times, luxuriously sipping in the breath and taking your time.
Soak in how your body feels on the bed, chair, or floor. Feel the weight of your body and loosen the tension in your jaw, letting your shoulders drop.
Start with non-genital touch
Explore your arms, neck, chest, thighs, abdomen, or anywhere else you’re drawn to. Try different forms of stimulation, like stroking, massaging, or tapping. Observe how anticipation grows when you’re not rushing towards orgasm. Think of it as collecting intel rather than trying to accomplish something specific.
Start with gentle external genital touch
If you want to progress, move your hand or toy towards your genitals, starting indirectly; perhaps that means touching through underwear, around the vulva, or beside it rather than touching the clitoris. Explore one sensation at a time, long enough to notice a response.
If something feels good, don’t immediately increase intensity. Stick with it and let your body adjust to the sensation instead of chasing the next level. If attention wanders, go back to a concrete sensation like the vibration. Release all expectations of orgasm, but if arousal rises, follow it. If it fades, change technique or stop.
End with closing breaths
As you end, recognize that no orgasm doesn’t mean a failed session. Place a hand over your chest or abdomen again and take three easy breaths, in and out. Ask yourself what you enjoyed most and where you felt tense or distracted. Consider what you might repeat next time, and what you might let go of.
This reflection (which can also be written in a journal) develops sexual confidence by turning an experience into knowledge rather than judgment.
