Many people see masturbation as a route to stress relief, a way to help them sleep, or a quick route to an orgasm. But it’s so much more than that. Masturbation is gentle self-care that helps you stay grounded and present. It’s a way to tune into your body and slow down. Instead of seeing solo pleasure as a goal-oriented activity, consider practising mindful masturbation, letting go of all the pressure to get it “right” or to reach an orgasm. Mindful masturbating can help people notice what sensations they enjoy, allowing them to reconnect with their body in a new way that is often compared to meditation. If you’ve been looking to spice up your usual routine or learn a new method of how to make masturbation feel better, read on!
What is mindful masturbation?
There’s no correct way to experience pleasure, and mindfulness invites curiosity about your desires as well as paying attention to the present moment. The art of mindful masturbation brings awareness to your thoughts, preferences, sensations, emotions, and breath as you touch yourself.
While there are forms of guided masturbation that can help you explore this practice, we suggest starting by simply breathing deeply while giving yourself freedom to explore sensation without rushing.
Why try mindful masturbating?
There are practical and emotional benefits to this kind of touch; it’s a great way to build body awareness and to practise a kinder, more compassionate relationship with pleasure. If you have trouble focusing on the journey rather than the destination (i.e., climaxing), this is a way to reduce that pressure. It can also translate to better partnered sex, allowing you to understand what kind of touch, pace, and pressure feels good as well as building confidence in communicating your needs with a partner.
In a world where many of us compare our bodies and sexual performance to porn or past experiences, mindfully exploring pleasure solo gives you a new kind of permission. If you’ve been wondering how to make masturbation feel better, being patient with yourself and seeing it as an extension of a meditation practice can be a helpful mindset shift.
How to practise bringing mindfulness into your solo play
Experiment with slowing down your usual activities and noticing sensations without judgement. Explore erogenous zones you might not normally, starting at the top of your body and working your way down.
Let go of expectations around arousal or orgasm, and try to stay present in the moment rather than letting your mind meander. Pause when something doesn’t feel right rather than powering through; this is the perfect opportunity to explore consent on your own.
In short, mindful masturbation is less about achieving an outcome and more about paying attention to what your body is telling you.
Before you begin, set the scene for solo pleasure
In a yoga studio, you might see dimmed lights, calming music, and aromatherapy. These are all little rituals that help you relax and set the mood for a slow and leisurely journey through sensual masturbation.
Choose a time when you’re unlikely to be interrupted
Part of shutting out the world’s many distractions means creating a safe space for you to explore your pleasure and desires. That means no work calls and no kids or partner knocking on the bedroom door. This is unapologetic “you” time and deserves to be treated as such.
Create a comfortable and sensual space
This is an incredibly personal and subjective experience; fill the room with your favourite scents, dim the lights or light a candle, and put on a playlist that gets you in the mood. Prioritise physical comfort with the right temperature and plenty of pillows or blankets. Keep lube nearby (water-based if using a toy) to make internal or external touch more comfortable.
If you need extra stimulation, rather than visual erotica, consider playing some erotic audio so you can stay in the moment.
Do deep breathing
Meditative masturbation requires deep, slow breathing and allowing your body to set the pace. Take big belly breaths and pay attention to physical sensations like your feet on the floor or bed, the temperature of your bedding, and your heartbeat. A wandering mind is normal, but when you notice it, return to the sensation, paying attention to your breath.
Start with non-genital touch
Give attention to parts of your body like your arms, stomach, neck, scalp, hands or feet. You can do this by tracing with your hands, or using a feather tickler or a vibrator. Pleasure doesn’t just have to dive into direct stimulation right away. Learning how to touch yourself mindfully doesn’t have a universal answer. Lean into what feels good, and avoid what doesn’t.
Change different variables one at a time
When you are ready to move on to vulva or penis pleasure, change one variable at a time to stay present and avoid overwhelming yourself. Ask yourself questions like:
- Do you prefer lighter or firmer pressure?
- Do you prefer faster or slower touch?
- Do you enjoy direct touch with lubricant, skin-to-skin, or indirect stimulation with a barrier like underwear?
- Do you prefer to move or stay still as waves of pleasure enter your body?
Practise aftercare
Some people assume that sexual aftercare is only for partnered sex or a more intense activity like BDSM, but you can also bring it into your mindful masturbation routine. Take some calming breaths when you’re done, hydrate, and gently stretch. You may want to make an entry in an erotic journey to identify patterns, preferences, and changes over time.
Consider mindful masturbation in a sexy shower or bath
A shower is the perfect way to practise mindfulness if you’re figuring out new ways to spice up solo play. Focus on the warm water cascading over every inch of your body and the luxurious soap and shampoo lathering you.
While you can try this in a non-sexual context first, adding in touch with your hands or a fully waterproof sex toy can take things to the next level. If using a toy while you’re standing feels like too much multitasking, you can opt for a bath instead and even put on an eye mask to fully focus on physical sensations.
Orgasms are optional
Masturbation does not have to end in an orgasm. You are free to continue until you orgasm, or to keep doing what you’re doing without escalating stimulation. You can pause, or switch to a soothing touch that isn’t sexual, such as massaging your body parts with hands, a vibrator, or a massage gun. Consent is ongoing even when you’re alone, and this is a wonderful way to practise boundaries and to make more conscious, intentional choices.
How to spice up solo play mindfully
If you’ve already experimented with the basics of masturbating mindfully, you can add novelty in a few ways. Perhaps try a different time of day or pace. You can also bring in a mirror as an act of self-love, but only if it feels affirming or interests you.
Explore different kinds of audio erotica or guided masturbation, and bring in new toys. A multi-functional pleasure product like MYLO Spirit lets you explore pleasure in several different ways without investing in multiple toys. You can also use lube or body oil for a slow, full-body sensual massage.
Is masturbation spiritual?
While masturbation can be a spiritual practise for some people, it doesn’t have to be. For those who do view it through this lens, this kind of embodied self-pleasure can become a practise of self-acceptance and gratitude, helping you connect to your personal values. For others who don’t label themselves as spiritual, it may simply be a relaxing activity or regarded as meditative masturbation instead.
Your pleasure, your pace
While we’re here to provide some guidance, remember that mindful masturbation is, above all else, an invitation to get curious. There are no rules when it comes to embarking on this adventure. Consider starting with one small element from our guide, pairing it with a MYLO Spirit wand of your choice, and see what comes to fruition!
